Friday, November 23, 2012


"You do not have a forgiving heart" her son says to a woman whom he stole from, lied time and time and time again to, repeated the same old broken down stories. "I don't want to live like this anymore" I want to be trusted" I'm not doing drugs" "I've changed" and she believed him an helped him time and time and time again. He used her over and over and she tried to be there for him no matter what like the abused loving the abuser. He had her in fear for her life. He told her he was going to burn down her house if she tried to make him leave. The same words the same stories.
He comes home amped up, talking laughing a mile a minute. He sleeps all the time then has these crying spells big ridiculous tears rolling down his face frolicking in some type of pseudo-emotional episode.
She always believes him, always trusts him. He has no care. I do not believe him for a second. I see through his masks.
She gets mad at me for not trusting him, thinks I should forgive and forget, thinks I should forget how he treated her, how he used the same words on me. " God forgives, why can't you?" Right before he threatened to gut my boyfriend. Right before he told me how he got his revenge on people. There is something dark and cold there.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


She never throws away anything that gets broken. She gather all the pieces and sits and tries to glue them back together. She arranges the pieces this way and that way like assembling a glass or clay puzzle. Each piece treated as if a relic from some hazy ancient yet relevant past. When all the pieces are not there, she will fashion missing pieces out of clay and then the cracks that remain. She talks of how ugly her hands have become, how bent her index finger has gotten. She says my father had the most beautiful hands for a man. She says E has beautiful hands too and that he wakes up her skin when he touches her. Last night, on the eve of his birthday she was in bed with him and she teased him. "God almighty" (he hates using the Lords name in vain)"I never thought id be married to a 91 year old man! I thought 60 was ancient."

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Economically Agravating

She's mad all the time now. His lack of concern for anything but what he thinks is important has taken its toll. He spends hundreds of dollars a month on books and pills that he never opens. They are stacked on the chair, on the table and they fill a brown paper bag on the floor. There nondescript white and yellowish brown wrappers contain no clue to the contents within. The cabinets are stuffed with white plastic bottles of brain enhancers, colon health, blood cleaners, prostrate health, and energy boosts. No bottles are ever opened, no books are ever read.
He eats at the same restaurant every day. He wakes up, dresses and then uses the fact that my mom isn't dressed as an excuse not to take her. She doesn't want to go anyway. She doesn't want to eat the same food all the time. He doesn't want to explore new options because they aren't better and are not "economical". He,also, thinks that eating at his favorite place cured his bladder cancer. The doctor, obviously, had nothing to do with it. The doctor just wants to make him suffer through painful expensive procedures out of morbid curiosity. Eating salmon, tempura, and rice is what did it.
She's mad all the time. He says he has no money to help out, but he spends all this money on internet scams. She sits with him for hours at doctors and hospitals, wearing herself out walking, worrying that he doesn't listen to a word they say. He acts all panicked that he needs to go but he doesn't follow a word of what they say. He fills their prescriptions, too, then doesn't take them either. She stresses over his actions. She worries that he doesn't follow their treatments. He is la de da. She is mad all the time now.